I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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