Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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