dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
