Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize