is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
