shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
