okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
