I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
