I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Can Purell be used as lube?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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