next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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