Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
