Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
