I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
