my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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