there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
