a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you would pick up someone in the library
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
