I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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