You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
