I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
