White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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