he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's rum buckets o'clock
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
