I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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