At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I currently don't understand fingers.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize