Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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