I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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