God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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