Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize