My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
