your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
