threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
