the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
