The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
