So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
