your parents love me but you hate me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
