K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
