what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
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Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
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Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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