Someone shit on the floor
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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