i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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