the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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