Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
