she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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