apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
