my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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