I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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