Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
