I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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