I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
