this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
