...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
