M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
