nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The uberlube is also flammable
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
