idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
