We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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