I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
