If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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