i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
