Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
