I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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