bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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