11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
