I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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