Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
