the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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