Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
