You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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