She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Holy sore nipples Batman
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
