apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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