Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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