I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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