There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
